The only good thing about this game was impossible for me to enjoy.
You see, when you first start playing, you’re this little blonde boy (that’s not the good part) and there’s this little black boy (also not the good part) in a split screen on the bottom (getting warmer) but the entire time there’s this ticker. Some straight CNN shit here, right? I think there’s an evil face or something taunting you. I couldn’t read it though, because there was nowhere safe to stand while I watched it.
The game starts you wwith something like ten lives. That is what we call in the “blogging about shit nobody reads” biz as a BAD SIGN.
LIFE 1: a man with a club hit me. TIME: 5 seconds.
LIFE 2: I fell in a pit I couldn’t see. TIME: 8 more seconds.
LIFE 3: I stood on an elevator thing which flattened me against its roof. TIME: another 7 seconds.
I finally got past that bit and ended up in every kid’s nightmare: a dungeon full of skeletons! Just kidding. Every kid’s nightmare is a shitty platformer. I ended up in a shitty platformer. Then I figured out I COULD CONTROL THE LITTLE BLACK BOY TOO! So, I found a ladder for blondie to chill on and took the other kid from the beginning. He died a few times, I took a screenshot, and I watched Johnnie To’s fantastic crime drama, Election. If you are thinking about emulating my life (which you probably are; I am great) skip this game and just watch the movie. It has nothing to do with this and that’s a good thing.
EVERY GAME... EVER 