Alien 3

Someone's got a case of the Mondays...

I have never completed any of the movies from the Alien franchise. Oh sure, I’ve caught little snippets here and there but I’ve never seen an entire “Alien” movie. There’s a reason for that. Growing up on the South Shore of Montreal, I was
a very sheltered boy. I didn’t cross the street on my own until my 13th birthday, I couldn’t be alone without a babysitter until I was 15, and had a curfew of 8PM until I was 16 so it is also safe to assume that my parents did not allow me to watch a lot of science fiction movies growing up either. But the thing is, my parents couldn’t be around ALL the time. I remember one night, I was staying with one of my cousins and he had rented  Alien. We gathered around big screen to watch it and I remember nothing about that movie until this scene.

Phallic imagery at it's best.

I ran out of the room in tears, locked myself in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out until my mother came to pick me up. I was 18 years old.

This game kind of made me want to relive that experience. Yeah, for a minute or two this game seems pretty cool. You’re running around with a flamethrower flaming these suckers but it really isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be.  While graphically pleasing, the gameplay gets old really fast. Maybe it’s just that I really suck at video games or that I have the memory span of a goldfish (“Hey look a castle….. Hey look, a castle…. Hey loo…”) but having to consult a map and then try to remember the blueprints of the ship just doesn’t fucking do it for me. I played this game for about 3 hours and I didn’t get fucking ANYWHERE. So I ran around scorching shit for a little while, I killed some aliens, drank a beer then deleted the ROM.

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