King Arthur’s World

These idiots can't even get through the title screen without doing something stupid.
These idiots can't even get through the title screen without doing something stupid.

Ok, King Arthur is a lazy son of a bitch.  That’s what I learned today.  For one, he’s all “fetch that gold over there or you can’t come on my fantastic quest or whatever.”  I mean, how is that motivation?  Fetch him gold?  Can’t I have some gold?  Is he too cheap to pay us up front?  He stands back by his shitty tent with his super armour or whatever the fuck and everyone else has to do the heavy lifting.  And then what?  He walks to the treasure?  Wouldn’t want those shoes to get dirty, right asshole?

I’ll tell you one thing, though: “soldiers” ought to form a union.  Talk about your disenfranchised worker.  It’s warfare by conveyor belt out here!  You do your one task you trained for your whole life and then you’re either hit by a rock and you die (a fucking rock), while that rich shithead stands back there in his cast-iron jumper or you complete the task and go back to the tent.  Hip fucking hooray.

Laugh it up jerkwad.
Laugh it up jerkwad.

Sure, you get to have a beer with that jackass King Arthur afterwards but you always end up fetching the bucket for him because he has no self control.  He should be ordering his workers to watch his intake, I guess… I dunno.  No autonomy whatsoever around here.

Not that it matters a whole lot anyway.  It wouldn’t be a very powerful union because these guys all suck at their job.  I guess they’d just be a corrupt one instead.  Or maybe that’s redundant.  Anyway, take the wizard for example.  This guy comes out looking like he’s going to wreck some shit and before long he’s raining fireballs down on everyone.  Sounds pretty cool, right?  Yeah, except he’s raining fireballs down on everyone and we’re all catching fire.

This is what happens when you hire people who call their spells "illusions."
This is what happens when you hire people who call their spells "illusions."

Thanks a lot, retard.  Maybe we could get better wizards if someone bothered to pony up the dough in advance. *cough*betthatphilanderingdouchspentitallonalamony*cough*

Anyway, look, I couldn’t be bothered to even get to the quests because the bullshit this egomaniac had us doing just so we could feel privileged to help him conquest or get laid or whatever-the-fuck-he’s-up-to were too much work from the get go.  You tell the engineers to build a bridge and they jump in the pit.  You tell the archers to shoot a guy and they only shoot up because people only exist above them, apparently.  You tell the soldiers to hold shields up so their friends can fight and they let their friends just walk by into the meat-grinder.  These are some stupid fucking dudes.  Stupid fucking dudes doing intricate tasks all so this Arthur jerk can have a jaunty stroll to a convenient box crammed with goodies.  Well you know what?  Fuck that guy.

On so many levels.
On so many levels.
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3 thoughts on “King Arthur’s World

  1. The guy idiot who played this is obviously a casual who can’t play or enjoy games at all. Grasping at nothing thinking he know’s what he’s going on about. This why Bobby Kotick is having the success he has. Go play some Modern warfare 2, faggot.

  2. Weee! I love when people take their nostalgia so seriously that they spew vitriol all over reviews that are basically taken so-not-seriously.

    I’d like to see you review this many games and not play most of them for 10 minutes, think of something funny, and move on.

    Oh but wait, it’s easier to just show up and be a jerkface. Bravo, sir. You homophobic stud. You man of men. You dude of bros.

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