Al Unser Jr’s Road to the Top

He looks kind of like Dan Akroyd.
He looks kind of like Dan Akroyd.

When I was a kid I had the worst motion sickness known to man. The worst instance of this was on a road trip from Cold Lake, Alberta to Pouce Coupe, BC. We bought gigantic slushies on the way and I promptly got sick, spewing Red Dye #15 over the entire van. It was a bad scene. There are tonnes of tricks to deal with motion sickness; focusing on the horizon, closing your eyes. None of these work, much like hangover cures. They basically make you feel a little better about the fact that you have a stomach full of live bees or a splitting headache.

Al Unser Jr’s Road to the Top is a game that makes me think of my greatest hits moments of motion sickness. The entire thing is rendered in mode 7 and not even pleasant MarioKart mode 7. You get to race Go-Karts, Snowmobiles, IROC cars, and finally Indy cars. There’s no progression to speak of. You choose a race, run through it and almost win, hit a hazard, lose, and move to the next race. It shows your placing, you pick another route, and continue.

At the beginning of every race you are treated to a mammoth view of Al Unser Jr’s (I presume it’s him because his name is on the game but who knows) horrifying visage. He explains why the track you’re about to race is great, which is usually a lie, and then the race begins.

I’m not being funny with you, the mode 7 graphics literally make me ill. I make it through about three tracks before my jaw gets leaden and my mouth waters. I played through mirror’s edge (which didn’t make me nauseous, only angry), watched [REC] and Cloverfield, and none of these things have ever had that effect on me. This game makes me sick. It’s also not very good.

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One thought on “Al Unser Jr’s Road to the Top

  1. his gargantuan visage alone would make me feel as though i am rolling back on forth on a tumultuous ocean.

    is it love, or revulsion? who can say?

    not i. not i.

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