Street Hockey ’95

Ahh, a game about street hockey! Virtually every recess in school was dedicated to the sport, if you had a stick to bring from home (eventually I did). Most of these kids (me included) played actual ice hockey, on a team, at least twice a week (for the real good kids who had skills even more because they were on the “rep team” and not “house league”). And, on top of that, some of us played after school, back at home. That’s crazy! So much hockey! So imagine my excitement! A game based on the street-level, kids-passion version of the sport. Hurray!

OH SHIT WAIT A SECOND. This is some insane nonsense game played with INLINE SKATES and in A SWIMMING POOL where you can TRICK OFF OF THE POOL EDGES. What the hell. Also, you can’t jsut score goals? Or there are more points for certain goals? THIS IS A FUCKING GAME DESIGN MESS. Like, hockey wasn’t insane and exciting enough? They needed to add douchebag characters and insane draconic scoring rules? WELL DONE, WHOEVER MADE THIS. I like how your game says ’95’ but you never made a ’94’ or ’96’ version. Serves you goddamn right.

God. So mad about hockey right now. I think my Canada is showing.

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