Chavez II


I like boxing. I enjoy watching men beat the shit out of each but still be gentlemen (for the most part) about it.

I do not like UFC at all. There’s something about guys with tribal tattoos being sponsored by energy drinks that I find incredibly “frat-house”. I can picture most of those dudes high fiving the fuck out of each in celebration of the usual Friday-Night-Date-Rape.

Fuck that kind of guy.

  • The kind of guys that call everyone “bro”.
  • The kind of guy who wears cargo pants and isn’t on safari somewhere.
  • The kind of guy who flips the collar up on his polo.
  • The kind of guy who wears multiple polos at once.
  • The kind of guy who wears Abercrombie/American Eagle.
  • The kind of guy who wears “The Man – The Legend” shirts.
  • The kind of guy who thinks that Korn is the heaviest band on the planet and as a result of listening to them he thinks that everyone should view him as “crazy”, “extreme”, or “psycho”.
  • The kind of guy who spells “sick” with multiple “q”s.
  • The kind of guy that wears sea shell necklaces during the summer months.
  • The kind of guy that is always, ALWAYS down to do shots.
  • The kind of guy that genuinely feels that a good time cannot be had without Tequila (preferably Tequila shots).
  • The kind of guy that believes sandals are appropriate at any and all events.
  • The kind of guy that expresses his enjoyment of a party by yelling the name of the thing he is at (i.e. “PARTY!).
  • The kind of guy that feels the word “party” isn’t expressive enough so he adds in his own vowels where he sees fit (i.e. “PARTAY!”).
  • The kind of guy that will happily watch any Vin Diesel movie.
  • The kind of guy that likes to encourage you to consume your beverage faster by screaming his mantra into your sweaty, nervous face over and over (i.e. “CHUG CHUG CHUG!!!”)
  • The kind of guy that enthusiastically reads Maxim and applies the knowledge he amassed in each issue to his every day affairs (i.e. putting Gold Bond on your junk will make you sweat less and make more girls want to eat your cock as a result).
  • The kind of guy that still loves to give wedgies and/or swirlies.
  • A guy named Brad, or Zack, or Chet, or Chaz.

Fuck that guy.

This game is basically like every boxing game. I know that sounds like a copout but it’s true. This game was not and is not revolutionary although it is very clearly sponsored by both Pepsi and Pizza Hut.

I like Dominos and Coca-Cola.


3 thoughts on “Chavez II

  1. Fuck those guys. Although, three of these points DO apply to me (Vin Diesel movies are the best, I love saying “PARTY!” at parties (although that’s maybe a bit “ironic,” making me an even worse kind of dude) and Friday Night Date Rape (who loves nested parentheses? I do. Almost as I love DATE RAPE))

  2. I watch UFC all the time: sometimes they’re skull or sword tattoos and they’re sponsored by CONDOM DEPOT so you’re just way off here.

  3. I freakin’ LOVE nested parentheses! I wish I knew about this mutual love earlier, though, as I have restrained myself from using them on multiple occasions!

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