Super Off-Road: The Baja

chillin' after grillin' some venison

In the world of Super Off-Road: The Baja, the life of a deer is worth more than the life of a human and an ATV combined. One can only imagine the outrageous expense of venison. I know this is a fact in the world of Super Off-Road: The Baja because during my first run at the game, I hit both deer and ATV enthusiasts multiple times and money was extracted from me without my consent.

So anyway, Super Off-Road: The Baja is this SNES game where you drive on a dusty track in a really clean truck. I don’t know what they treat that thing with, but damn. Your ride is spotless the whole way through. Rollin’ in the dirt? Not a problem! Kill a guy on an ATV? Forget about it! You can run down ten adult deer and then drive to some kid’s birthday and no one would ever know the difference!

The graphics in this game make me dizzy. The roads turn constantly and my flavin gets all gloivined with the spinning. Oh, the spinning and my flavin… Overall the visuals aren’t terrible, but they are kind of bland and pixellated, which isn’t much fun to look at.

The music doesn’t help: it’s really repetitive and it might just be me, but I don’t think it warrants repetition. Forgive me if you want to dance to this song at your wedding or something.

As for the control of your little truck, it’s not bad. The driving isn’t great by any means, but it’s sort of amusing to fire off some NITRO and plow into a deer. They scream like a person! That startled me the first time I played, and I laughed long enough that I just skidded to a stop and lost my position in the race.

Completely unrelated side note anecdote: I went to a local barber shop for a hair cut yesterday. I like to refer to the guy who works there as “the crazy barber,” because it’s a pretty accurate name for him. He seems kind of crazy. His past exploits include yelling in my face from inches away, talking on the phone for nearly 10 minutes on 3 separate occasions when he’d already started cutting my hair and continually giving me handfuls of anise candy, which I despise. I keep going back though, because it makes for entertaining stories and also because it’s on my way home from work.

Anyway, this past visit he pantomimed cutting my throat with the straight razor by running the smooth side of it under my neck, and then as I was leaving, he told me that he hoped I got raped. I expect he meant this in a “good” way, but it was still unsettling.

Back to the review of Super Off-Road: The Baja!

If you damage your truck too much to continue the race, your driver climbs out of the window of the damaged vehicle and jumps up and down in frustration! I recommend playing the game long enough to see this happen, and then stopping.

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