No Escape

The first level is this exact scenario happening about twelve times.

No Escape is based on a movie.  I would wager it was a bad movie.  It certainly made for a bad game.

It begins by hurling you into a chase scene (after an interminable pause with no music or accepted inputs, for some reason), where infinite jungle warriors pursue you through the jungle.  The controls are incredibly clunky and frustrating; you must double tap to run, and hold up and hit jump to climb, and both of them are incredibly finnicky and don’t work if you’re crouching, and you crouch automatically if you climb something or fall, and you must uncrouch by hitting up.  There is no defense button, and your punch does minimal damage.  There is no tutorial.  The jungle warriors are faster than you, there are spike pits and falling logs which have no warning and do essentially unstoppable damage unless you have memorized the level, and you must fight a spear guy at the end who will do lots of damage to you as you mash your punch button until he falls over.

Apparently, you can explore this island and build things and use traps against your enemies, but you know what?  I don’t want to.  I really don’t.  I wish I could talk to the people who made this game and tell them just how much of a failure their game is, and that they should have actually thought about what makes a game fun before they tried to make one.  But they are probably working as accountants and human resources representatives and middle management, right now, so they wouldn’t care.

Don’t play this game.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s