Super Godzilla

So, you hear the words Super Godzilla and your eyes fog with the mist of imagination. Images float in your mind’s-eye: Mario is replaced by a giant lizard; koopas lose their shit. Godzilla is made for platforming. Unfortunately, with Super Godzilla all we get is a stripped-down version of Pac-Man. Instead of ghosts, we get tanks. Instead of little yellow dots, we get water towers that inexplicably have mystical blue power inside them. Instead of graphics, we have sub-graphics — meaning the game attempts only to represent the placement of objects, rather than their actual appearance. Godzilla is a little blue dot. Whoever defies Godzilla is a little pink dot. I suppose you could read the game as an allegory for gender issues, but I’d rather not.

I could reproduce the rest of this dialog but it's barely worth it.

The game involves the player navigating this map by directing Godzilla toward one of the four possible directions. Above the map is a view of Godzilla moseying past skyscrapers and the like. When you change his direction on the map, his likeness above also changes direction. And that’d all be snazzy but Godzilla doesn’t really give a damn what you say. He’s perfectly content to throw himself through buildings like a champion. Roaring and gnashing his teeth all the while. Godzilla is a wild animal; he is difficult to control. He is a monster. If you press up, he might just go up. But only if he’s ready.

Godzilla is eating building!

The game gives only a brief explanation of why we are controlling Godzilla in the first place. Seems that there’s something rotten going down in Osaka and Godzilla is the only way to put things right. I’ll buy that. There’s not much that Godzilla can’t unfuck. He’s a mediator in the best sense of the word: the sense meaning he’ll probably step on you.

In summation, I would have preferred a platformer, but if this is all I get, I am appeased. I am a man of grace and recovery. I bestow benevolence upon all lesser beings.

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