Super Adventure Island II

Oh man, I learned so much today. Ok, bare with me, this is amazing.

Ok, so first of all, Adventure Island man has a ladyfriend. I don't know if that raft (and ladyfriend) came out of an egg or not.
Adventure Island Man has a name. It is Master Higgins. That's fucking badass.
More like Shittymoon, amirite?
I hope you're staying with me here.
Ok so there was a shitload of text here, but basically Master Higgins (yes!) also has amnesia and is somewhere where his lady isn't. But also, he's a warrior who will figure this shit out.
But then like ten minutes later Tina forgets that she's not a gold-digger and remarries because of course she does!
And then just as she's about to get married for the second time that day, this fucking bird shows up because WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.
So then dude is just walking by (with amnesia) the castle where this is happening and he hears the screams and he's like "I should save this lady who I don't know at all."

Ok, so if this isn’t the best premise for a new sitcom, I don’t know what is. It’s ridiculous. I can’t wait until the episode where the giant bird and the princess paint a line in the middle of their room. Oh, or maybe they’ll have these season long “will they or won’t they” plot points between the king, Higgins, and the princess. Fuck. I’m going to TIVO the shit out of this bad boy. And also, I didn’t watch Lost but something something smoke monster.

SO THEN THERE’S A GAME TO PLAY AND GUESS WHAT?!

It's an ACTION RPG!! THE FUCK?!

I was not prepared for this at all. I wanted skateboards, hatchets, and fruit. I was not expecting puzzles, inventories, and coin systems. There are even fucking random encounters!!! What the hell is going on here? This is not the adventure island I apparently don’t know and probably loved. Not at all. Basically this was all so shocking to my fragile haven’t-done-a-review-in-a-whole-month system that I had a mental breakdown, got amnesia, and moved in with a giant bird who is dating my girlfriend who also had amnesia but forgot we were dating and now we all hang out at a coffee shop with a jive-talking local-ethnic-type-from-the-steets.

Wednesdays at 9 on UPN.

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