Mario Paint

I am a left-handed pencil-user using a mouse in his right hand. I don't do well with paint programs.

This is an excruciatingly late review, because I had big plans. Here I was, ready to talk about how Mario Paint was sort of overrated, and how the mouse was garbage, and how I was maybe looking back unfairly on pre-optical mice, and how the mouse was a portent into the future of Nintendo as an overhyped peripheral/life enhancement company, and how the music making software was way worse than everyone remembers.

It’s that music making thing that tripped me up.

Now, don’t get me wrong: I think it’s still far worse than a lot of people remember. But, to prove my point, I attempted to make a lackluster version of the song “If I Had A Heart” by Fever Ray. Now, this is a song made with synths and drum machines, not guitars and bongos, so it’s not unfair to put into Mario Paint.

First of all, with the in-game music making program, I was able to get maybe 30 seconds of jam in there, and there wasn’t enough control over the tempo and such. However, a little internet nerding allowed me to find Mario Paint Composer, a slightly beefed-up version of the application.

Thanks to the makers of this program, to the makers of ritalin, to the slow week I was having, to my computer and the power companies and whoever built my room and my headphones, because due to you all, I made a pretty goddamn faithful cover. I even intended to record it and sing on top of it for maximum funs, and put the whole shebang on Youtube and post it here.

But, NO thanks to everyone not mentioned, there appeared to be no way for me to do this. So, I am writing this: there is no way for me to show you my delightful ditty. Unless, of course, I upload the txt file that it saves to, and you install the program, and load my file up. Oh wait! Last minute edit: I CAN’T FIND THE FILES. So you’re REALLY shit out of luck. I have since formatted both of my computers. It was on both computers. Now I think it is on neither. WHAT A WASTE.

In summation, Mario Paint wasted far too much of my time.

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