NBA Live 97

What can be said about NBA Live 97 that can’t be said about all the other NBA Live titles on the Super Nintendo? I’m sure you might be able to fill a whole paragraph if you tried hard enough. You could probably talk about roster updates, maybe some control or graphical changes, a fancy-pants new title screen, and so on.

Of course, this is based on pure speculation; you’re not going to get me to fire up the other titles to do a detailed, comparative analysis. If you thought you were, well, I apologize, but you came to the wrong site. For me at least, reviewing a title usually involves playing said game for anywhere from 5 minutes to an hour until I get sick of fumbling with the direction pad on my PC’s Xbox 360 controller, consuming a 12-pack of Tecate and maybe a few shots of Jameson, punching the keyboard until words form, and passing out on my couch while watching cartoons. Given, that’s no way to spend a weekday morning, but in my defense Tecate is fairly cheap around here, so I make due.

The games in the NBA Live series are often called “basketball simulations”, in which they curtail the highly flammable sporting equipment of NBA Jam and intense hand-to-hand martial arts of Shaq Fu in favor of a more “authentic” basketball experience, albeit with somewhat less drug abuse and gambling scandals. Don’t be confused by this, though! NBA Live 97, in fact, does a terrible job of properly simulating real-life basketball! After playing this game for a while, I thought I would step outside and tear up the neighborhood court, but instead I just made an ass of myself and accidentally hit some kid in the face with the ball. Next thing I know, I’m on the receiving end of a punch to the downstairs baby factory, followed by having my shoes stolen while lying down, hunched over, crying on the pavement. Yet another awkward Thanksgiving holiday with the grandparents, I guess.

Anyway, I’m about due for a run to Office Depot to get a new keyboard.

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