Super Conflict – The Mideast

So before we even get started… “The Mideast”. So racist. Or… I don’t know… grammatically disrespectful.

That song about leaving on a jet plane is a lot more fun when you picture an F-18.

Super Conflict is basically Advance Wars. Have you played Advance Wars for the Game Boy Advance? It’s pretty great. It’s like 20 times better than Super Conflict. But hey, Super Conflict is certainly something. I mean, check this out:

The 30 Year Hex

Hexes! That’s how you know you’re in strategy town. Hexes are like, so strategic. It’s two more whole choices compared to squares. Fuck! Also notice how there are different terrains? Those have different defensive attributes! And also there are different units.

You’ve played this game before and you were probably ok with it.

So many numbers... I can't wait to plan some shit.

So here’s the thing about the Gulf War that this game doesn’t come close to understanding. This whole Middle-East conflict? Not even close. Like, Iraq were using decommissioned Russian tanks that might as well have been made of lego compared to the giant things the United States were rolling. Like… do you think your mom’s Volvo (I wrote vulva three times here before getting this right [full disclosure]) could take a depleted uranium shell? I sort of doubt it. Like, they could shoot things over the horizon without Iraqi forces even knowing there was something lining up a shot. But this game more or less pre-supposes that this is a fair fight. I mean, sure. That’s a far more interesting game I guess. If you just pushed the Air Dominance button and then moved your tank to the victory location that might be a pretty short game. Fun I guess?

But instead!!

Nowhere near as adorable as Advance Wars.

So anyway, it’s rock, paper, scissors combat. It’s better than I thought it would be. I won, so that helped. Check out the aplomb with which my soldier-representative holds this United Forces of Generica flag!

A winner is me!

With shoulders that broad and an ass that taught, there’s no way our non asking and telling forces won’t totally dominate this surprisingly green desert. Oh yeah fertile crescent! Euphemisms!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s