Bulls vs. Blazers


This game isn’t NBA Jam. It does, however, maintain a proud line of EA basketball game titles that highlight the most awesome thing about basketball the word versus Jordan vs. Bird, Lakers vs. Celtics, Bulls vs. Lakers, Bulls vs. Blazers, Lasers vs. Lasers, Blankets vs. Bottles, Nature vs. Nurture, and Roe vs. Wade all have one thing in common. That I just said them all. Some of them are EA-developed basketball games, also.

So, do you like basketball? Me neither. I know about five players ever. Luckily, in this game, you only need to know five! You can mix and match to your hearts content. I had Clyde Drexler on account of it being a game about the Blazers and his name being great, Michael Jordan on account of him being on some shoes and the game box, Shawn Kemp on account of I used to have a Sonics jersey in grade 4, Shaquille O’Neal on account of what other centers are there, and Mark Price on account of he threw 3-pointers like crazy in NBA All-Star Challenge, the fantastic Game Boy game I played in Grade 2 when I borrowed it from my half-friend half-bully Travis (not the Travis who writes here). I shoulda got Karl Malone in there. Or that other Malone. What was the other one’s name? Gary? Am I thinking of Gary Payton? Am I filling words at this point about basketball on account of having very little to say? There may never be an answer to these questions (except the last: “yes”).

The gameplay? I don’t get it. There’s no tomahawk jam, no boom shaka laka, no fire, no Al Gore and George Clinton passwords, etc. I know nothing but NBA Jam. It doesn’t matter. I don’t really like to play basketball games. I don’t like the sport that much either. Too many points. It’s like Space Invaders or something. Plus when you’re winning you’re just winning. There’s no goal that changes the entire thing. Give me hockey, give me soccer, whatever. I didn’t enjoy this game.

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