So I was going to go to this leadership course for the “something forum”, I forget what it is now, because my life coach told me that it would help me attract more success into my life but I decided to formulate my own curriculum instead based on playing Lemmings for as long as I could reasonably stand to. I’ve learned a number of lessons about leadership though, and I will share them with you now.

just dig!
just dig!

1. People are roughly equivalent. They’re mindless servants just waiting for someone to pick up the cursor and assign them a roll. You have to take charge and assign blockers and diggers judiciously for the good of the whole because alone these poor beleagered creatures, set about on all sides by distractions, will waltz off a cliff, ending their existence (metaphorically of course). Sometimes you won’t select the one you intended to select and somebody else will get turned into a human bomb, and that’s basically okay because everyone is equal here. We just have to build a team that’s ready to jump when we say jump or explode on command etc.

2. If you’re gonna make an omelette, you have to kill a few people. Those blockers left over at the end of the level or team building exercise or whatever? Cut them loose. They’ve served well but it’s cruel to leave them in a role for longer than is required. They may stay there forever for all you know.

3. Sometimes everybody has to die. Sometimes the mission is a wash, it’s not worth watching everyone get lost or dying in agony. Just end it.

I’m really stoked for the conference next week. They’re going to notice my new and dynamic insights for sure. Cathy’s office birthday party will effing rule.

Sometimes everybody has to die.
Sometimes everybody has to die.

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