The Peace Keepers

Such a lie.

So, I’m looking at the EGE lineup for the month and I see “Peace Keepers”.  I get excited.  I think “finally, a way for me to complain about the Post-Canadian emphasis on peacekeeping when Canada had so little to do with the practice (aside from renaming something invented by the British and then performing it a few times) but then also talk about what is sure to be a horrible game about peace keeping.”  But then it turns out the game is this:

Punching masked Scandinavian goons in the face.

To be fair to the conduct and procedures of Peace Keeping, the goons did punch first.  Even still, I was not expecting a super-plain beat ’em up that was also completely devoid of a soundtrack.  I mean it.  There is no music.  At least not through the first two levels, unless you consider that basic sort of “puh” sound from the punching to be it’s own sort of music.  There isn’t even a blinking icon that says “go” after I beat up some dudes, which I was certain was a genre staple.

Maybe the paired-down presentation is some sort of commentary on the tragic underfunding of real life peace keeping operations?  I mean, if you’d asked Canadians in Bosnia about how they felt about a lack of soundtrack for their work, they’d probably say something like “I probably could have used adequate equipment and maybe some bullets, but now that you mention it we probably did deserve some sort of score, even if it’s just crappy midi.”

That’s exactly what they’d say.

So… umm… unremarkable beat’em ups.

It’s probably worth mentioning that The Peace Keepers has a versus mode where you can do the games 3 moves to your friends.  That’s likely fun for about thirty seconds.  It has multi-tap support too, which is pretty neat.  I mean… how often did that happen?  And then you could get close to your friends…

... like so.

So yeah.  It’s wierd.  Throughout my time here at EGE it’s been rare that I’ve gotten excited about a game I didn’t recognize based on it’s name alone and I think maybe I’ve learned a valuable lesson.  In the highstakes world of digital post-nostalgia, one should eschew all expectations (at least the positive ones), lest they be repeatedly destroyed verily.

ALSO, DID YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU BLOW UP THE FUCKING PLACE, YOU HAVE KEPT THE PEACE?

NOT ONLY IS THAT THE CASE, IT IS THE TRUTH.
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