Chuck Rock


Anything this game could give you, you could get somewhere else, and it’d be better.

Let’s say you wanted a platformer. It’s a platformer, yeah. But why not play Super Mario Bros 3? Or, like, Strider or something? It doesn’t make sense to play this.

Oh, but wait. You want your platformer to have dinosaurs in it. Well, fine. If you insist (and Super Mario World doesn’t count for whatever reason), play E.V.O. – The search For Eden. That game is awesome, and you get to be all sorts of Triassic/Jurassic creatures!

Wait, you don’t want to be a dinosaur, you want to be a caveman who has to deal with dinosaurs? Fuck… alright, fine. Play Bonk. Bonk is pretty fun, I guess.

You want it on the SNES? Play Super Bonk, then.

Wow, ANOTHER stipulation? What’s that you say? The caveman in question can’t be bald? Jesus. Okay. Here: play Joe & Mac. Seriously. Not this.

Oh, but you want your game to have no more than one first name in the title? Ahh. Bummer. I guess that leaves Chuck Rock.

I TRICKED YOU! “Chuck” is a first name (see ultra-macho writer Chuck Palahniuk) as is Rock (see famous closeted movie star Rock Hudson). YOU DO NOT GET TO PLAY A GAME ANYMORE.

But, if you need to play a platformer with dinosaurs that you don’t control but instead you control a caveman who deals with dinosaurs on the SNES but isn’t bald and is called Chuck Rock, then, woo, boy, Chuck Rock is the game for you!

What I’m saying is, basically: I recommend Chuck Rock to anyone who wants to play an SNES game that rhymes with Fuck Cock. I can’t believe I only thought of Fuck Cock at the end of this article.

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