The Ignition Factor

Some kids want to be firefighters when they grow up.  I wasn’t one of those kids.  I wanted to be Batman.  And tall.  Nowadays, I know the truth that the men and women of the law enforcement, firefighting, and medical professions are the real heroes in our lives, which makes me feel like somewhat of a dick for getting into video games instead.  Failing to accomplish the latter as well, I’m now at 0-for-2, but I’ve learned to live with such shortcomings (no pun intended).  Anyway, we’re here to talk about Jaleco’s The Ignition Factor, which is as close to firefighting as I’ll likely get outside of episodes of Rescue Me.

WHATCHA GONNA DO...WHEN THE 24-INCH PYTHONS AND HULKAMANIA DESTROY YOU!?
WHATCHA GONNA DO...WHEN THE 24-INCH PYTHONS AND HULKAMANIA DESTROY YOU!?

The game starts out with a brief pep talk from Civil-War Union General Hulk Hogan as you pick a stage to play.  You then get a chance to plan out your rescue- wait, shit…hold on a sec…

Ma’am…ma’am…ma- MA’AM!!  Wait- MA’AM!! Don’t move!  No, don- DON’T MOVE!!  NO, DO NOT WALK INTO THE FIRE!!  I REPEAT, MA’AM, STAY WHERE YOU ARE!! MA’AM!!  DO–NOT–WALK–IN–TO–THE–FIRE!! NO, PLEASE STO- WAIT, LADY!!  STOP- NO, STOP!!  STOOOOPPP!!  OH GOD, NOOO!!

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WHY, GOD, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

WH…Uh-BWAH!?

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THANK GOD YOU’RE ALIVE!!  I…I thought we lost you!  Now, I’ll get you out of here as soon as possible, just please, remain calm and…stay here, you know, not inside the fire, for now…

Seriously, you would think some people would have enough common sense to not walk into a fire, but- oh, shit…not again…

MA’AM!!  I TOLD YOU TO STAY PUT, AND I’LL GET YOU OUT OF HERE SOON ENOUGH!!  NO- NO…MA’AM!!  NO- DO NOT MAKE ME HOSE YOU DOWN!! NO, STO- GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE FIRE!!  WHAT THE…STO- STOP!!

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AGAIN!?!  What the- WHAT THE HELL!?!

Nikos!!  Can you belie-

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Umm…right, err…Chris!!  Can you believe this shit?  This crazy woman just walked into the fire…twice!! I mean, what-

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DAMMIT, CHRIS!!  NOT YOU TOO!!  NOOOOOOOOO!!!!  WHY MUST WE LOSE THE ONES WE LOVE!?!

::sob::

::sniff::

Moving on, The Ignition Factor is…alright, if anything due to its unique gameplay.  You’ll likely find yourself having to replay each stage at least a couple times or so until you know your way around enough to be able to properly save enough people within the time limit.  Running around each map trying to get to each person can be a bit tedious as well, and the various obstacles and puzzles don’t always help make it more interesting.  If you have the patience, you might enjoy this one.

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