College Slam

collegeslam

THE RECIPE FOR FAILURE:

1) Make a great game like NBA Jam.
2) To capitalize on the excitement for March Madness, strip it of all of its NBA teams and players.
3) Insert shitty 16-bit logos of colleges.
4) Replace all players with nameless positions, like “POINT GUARD.”
5) Take out the awesome celebrity codes that allowed you to play as George “P-Funk” Clinton and Al Gore.
6) Put a code that lets you play as one of nine stacked “fraternity” teams. Everyone likes fraternities!
7) Make a logo of a creepy-looking basketball biting a basketball net.
8) Call it College Slam. Not College JAM; that might let people know that it’s based on the game they actually like.
9) Add some throwaway modes like “tournament time.” And “semi-finals.” Semi-finals? Really?

Watch the cash not roll in!

Apparently this game was a commercial flop, and who can be surprised? It’s a shame, too, because the NBA Jam engine is a lot of fun. But, yeah… there’s not point in playing this if you can play NBA Jam instead. Which you can. Because you’re using an emulator like a GODDAMN PIRATE, aren’t you? Do yourself a favour. Play NBA Jam TE. It’s the best version. The first was inferior, the latter (Showdown, if I remember correctly) was too gimmicky and stupid and difficult.

In short: Think of NBA Jam as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Picture it in your mind: extreme, hilarious, awesome, full of fire, oft green. Close your eyes for a few seconds, and visualize the turtles in your mind. Then open them.

Eyes open? Good. Now, this is what College Slam is.

Mmm.
Mmm.

I hope I just made your day a little bit sadder.