Lethal Weapon

That door on the bottom floor, there?  Yeah, it takes you to the sewers.
That door on the bottom floor, there? Yeah, it takes you to the sewers.

Alright.

Someone comes to you with a game license.  It’s something called “Lethal Weapon.”  This someone – probably a well-spoken individual wearing a nice suit with a quiet tie and one-and-a-half chins – is operating under the assumption that you know what Lethal Weapon is.

But maybe not.  Maybe this guy was burned before by some manic depressive who he hired to make a game about Tim the Tool Man Taylor, after he was given a game about dinosaurs instead.

You say “Of course I know what ‘lethal weapon’ is,” but he can’t see that you used lower case letters.

So, taken aback by the broad license you’ve been given, you go home and you do some brainstorming! There are a lot of things that could be lethal weapons, after all, and you know what your job is.

Your job is to put them all in the game.

Let’s have a look at the list you came up with.

  • Guns
  • Knives
  • Crocodiles
  • Flamethrowers
  • Fire in general, actually
  • Falling spikes
  • Floors with spikes in them
  • Probably walls with spikes in them, too

You figure that’ s a pretty good list to start.  So you painstakingly draw the sprites and animations for all these implements of death, and you decide to put them in a sewer level, right, because who doesn’t love a sewer level?*  Besides, where else would you find crocodiles?

Then you get a call from your boss, who’s really excited because he loved that movie, Lethal Weapon.  You know, with Mel Gibson and Danny Glover?  With the criminals and the chases and the shooting?

You bury your face in your hands and draw a shuddering breath.

But at least you got the gun right.  And that sewer level is pretty great.  And who knows where these action heroes might end up?  Let’s use that level.  Let’s use all those levels!  Yeah?  It’ll work.  But we have to tie it in with the movie somehow.

Let’s paste some rendered screens from the movie in, even though they have nothing to do with the level.  That’s perfect.  Nobody really reads those screens anyways.  Let’s write something about bombs in the sewer.  They’ll see Danny Glover looking dramatic and it’ll dovetail right in with that thirteen foot crocodile.

Oh, right, bombs, that should go on the list.

And that is how, presumably, this game was made.

*NOBODY LIKES YOUR FUCKING SEWER LEVEL YOU SON OF A BITCH

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