Strike Gunner STG

sweet god no more snes games

Strike Gunner STG takes place in a world that’s so lush with vegetation you can fly forever without seeing the ground. Green, green, green, green, green. Tree after tree after tr—river! I saw a brown river! And then back to the trees. They really went all out on the background(s?) for this game.

I don’t particularly enjoy the “single craft shooting down wave after wave after wave of enemies” genre (which probably has some obscure dumb video game nerd name like “shooter” or something) and Strike Gunner STG is very firmly one of those. I legit don’t understand how people can stand to play these games for more than a few minutes at a time, let alone how they ever play them to completion. Your minds operate on a level so foreign to me you might as well be one of those naked alien ladies I mentioned in my review of Star Star Star Star Fleet Star Fleet Trek Bridge Star Star oh whatever. In fact, I would really prefer it if you were, because then we’d have something to haaf’loothle about. That was my made-up word for a dirty alien sex act that involves discussing video games for illustrative purposes in a half-assed review.

It probably doesn’t help that Strike Gunner STG is apparently so easy that I only ever died when my attention wandered away from the game (frequently). My brilliant strategy of always firing and flying side to side seemed to be far too much for my foes to overcome. The waves of enemies would occasionally come in parallel, so if a squad of planes flew up from the right side of the screen in an arc, you could soon expect their brethren to do the same from the left side of the screen. This predictability made the game even easier, and it was already as easy as a woman of ill repute/mom joke/cheap laugh (ha ha).

Let’s assume for a second that you like the kind of game where all you have to do is fly back and forth and shoot. You’re an idiot, and here’s a game you’ll like, you idiot.

Idiot.

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