Final Fantasy Mystic Quest




“Dude!  Had the weirdest day today.  This old dude came up to me flying on a cloud and he told me something.  Said that I was the Legendary Hero foretold in the Prophecy!”

“No way!”

“Yeah way, and I said to him, “look man, I really appreciate you floating all the way over here to tell me and all, but I think you got the wrong guy.  I’m only ten years old and I really should be getting back to school.  My teacher’s gonna be PISSED.“”

“No way!”

“Yeah and then the dude kept following me through the forest, yabbering on about this Great Disaster that was coming, and how I had to collect these arbitrary MacGuffins scattered across the known world to stop it.”

“No way!”

“Yeah so I told him I’d do it just so he’d shut up and he gave me this sword before he flew away.  So I started killing toads and balls of slime, and when they died, they gave me money and EXP.”

“No way!”

“Yeah and when I got enough EXP my level went up, and all of a sudden I knew all these magic tricks.  I didn’t have to take any lessons or read any books; it’s like I just knew.”

“No WAY!”

“Yeah man, so I took turns killing all these things, leveling up, learning magic, and I kept finding all these chests lying around with stuff in them.  So I took the stuff.  It was so sweet!”


“Yeah I know, so flippin’ sweet.  Eventually I got all the mystical pieces of crap that the old dude told me to get, and then nothing happened.  Turns out the old bastard forgot to tell me a few minute details about the Prophecy.  Apparently there’s this One Evil Dark Guy behind EVERYTHING.  I was pretty pissed off by this stage, so I found the guy in his castle.  And I killed him.

“NO.  WAY!”

“Uh, yeah way–Why the hell do you keep saying “no way” all the time, anyway?  Did you get brain damage on the way here or something?”

“Nah, man.”

“Then what?!”

“The exact same thing happened to me today!”

“No kidding.”

AND it happened to Chaz across the street.  Every kid on the block is all “Legendary Hero this”, “The Prophecy bla bla bla” and bangin’ on about how they “saved the world from the “Dark Lord”.””

“Well, there goes that then…Wanna get something to eat?”

“Nah, I’m good.  Drank some Potion just before.”

“Me too.  Let’s get outta here.”

Old bastard must’ve been doin’ the rounds…

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