Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

mmpr1
CONSUMERISM GO

First of all, I always sort of felt that Power Rangers were basically a replacement for the Ninja Turtles.  The Ninja Turtles TV show ran from ’87 until ’93 (and syndicated on CBS until 1996).  The first Power Rangers show ran from 1993 until ’94 or ’95.  I was in grade 5 or 6 at the time.  Both of the shows were remarkable cash cows with toy lines.  Additionally, Power Rangers was essentially live action Voltron.  It was, obviously, a hodgepodge of everything I wanted at that tender and stupid age: sass-mouth teenagers (attitude, apparently) with powers who can also power large robots that turn into a bigger robot.  I guess in that respect they were also biting Transformers.  So I’m being obviously honest in saying that I was a fan of the original show because I was a young idiot.  The show was definitely terrible, but I believe pretty much everything we watched as children was terrible and our fond memories color our judgement.

So anyway, I beat Mighty Morphin Power Rangers on my lunch break.  It took about an hour.  There are 5 levels, each with a portion where you play as the teenager and fight putties, then you see the boss and transform into the Ranger, fight more putties, and then fight the boss.  The levels are super easy.  I died once, on a boss, because I got greedy.  Then you all power up into the big robot thing and it turns into a surprisingly neat fighting game for like, 2.5 levels.  And then the game is over and everyone drives to the Juice Bar to watch the black one breakdance.  So basically stereotypes and mild racism and also bloodless violence makes for entertainment.  Fair enough.

mmpr2
This was honestly fun. I have no reason to lie to you about how much fun this was.

Essentially, this left me thinking that if I had this game when I was 10 or 11, I’d have loved the shit out of it.  It would have been exactly what I wanted.  It certainly isn’t as good as the Ninja Turtles games, especially since you didn’t have multiplayer or whatever, but it’s suprisingly good considering what it is.  I actually wanted to play more of the pseudo fighting game thing with the big robot at the end.  It sort of reminded me of King of Monsters.  There were like, street-fighter-esque super bars.  I honestly can’t believe that I enjoyed myself.  But on the other hand, I mean, nostalgia.  But the idea that this game would have cost some parents about $90 and that their children would have beaten it the day they got it is pretty shitty.

What’s the most amazing of all though, is that I expected this to be a horrible train-wreck and it was surprisingly not horrible.  It made sense for what it was.

Also, was everyone aware that the asian girl who played the yellow ranger died?  She did!  And also, Amy Jo Johnson, the pink/slutty one, never did a skin-flick!  SOMETIMES LIFE THROWS YOU CURVEBALLS.  THE POWER RANGERS ARE STILL TEACHING ME VALUABLE LESSONS.

mmpr4
If there's anything that your regular sassy teenager would like to do after casually defeating intergalactic space-monsters, it's watch their black friend breakdance in parachute pants while sipping on a fruit smoothie. Yeop.
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