Lamborghini – American Challenge

This is a man dressed as a woman enjoying a million-dollar car ride.
This is a man dressed as a woman enjoying a million-dollar car ride.

I’ve probably said this before, but among the many things I do not know how to do that are important, driving is one of them. This extends to the racing game genre of video games; I just don’t do well. Be it on one end of the spectrum like Gran Turismo where you have to actually pretend like it’s real life or something (thrilling), or the other end like Wipeout HD where floating, shooting guns and seizures are part of the everyday occurrances of commuting to work (confusing), I just suck at it. Walls are like Brilliam magnets.

That said, I enjoyed this game a fair bit. You can probably read that as “it’s boringly easy,” but I don’t care. I am definitely a product of the 90s, but I love driving a little yellow Lamborghini around where the streets have no walls and I never hit anything.

The first thing that left an impression on me when playing this game was the character selection screen. There are three choices: a guy who looks like Mr. T, a guy who looks like Sylvester Stallone and a lady who looks like… I don’t know, a beefy Jamie Lee Curtis? Geena Davis? I’m not sure who the hell she’s supposed to be but it scares me. I picked her.

Racism: Alive and well in car racing.
Racism: Alive and well in car racing.

My first match was against a ninja and a sumo wrestler. Uhh… yup.

There’s a delicious floatiness to the physics as you glide around the track with icy non-friction.

Actually, you know what? I’m done writing about this game. Even though I like it, I can’t forgive myself for writing “glide […] with icy non-friction.” I mean, non-friction? Really? I quit words.

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