Last Action Hero

Some fucking compelling drama right here, my friends.  Look how invested he is in that punch.  He looks like he's pushing a button in an elevator.  He also looks like he's made of potatoes.
Some fucking compelling drama right here, my friends. Look how invested he is in that punch. He looks like he's pushing a button in an elevator. He also looks like he's made of potatoes.

ANOTHER BEATEMUP

FANTASTIC

There are more crushingly fucking awful beatemups on this goddamn console than there are licensed platformers with stupid cartoony animal protagonists.

This one was interesting, at least, because it was nearly impossible to get past the third screen.  I certainly couldn’t do it.  You have to fight a knife guy a very specific way or he’ll always hit you; you have to fight a bat guy the opposite way.  The third screen pits you against both a knife guy and a bat guy, and it is impossible to hit either one of them without getting absolutely devastated by the other guy.

On top of that, this is probably the ugliest game I have played while reviewing for this site.

Why would anyone play these fucking games?

Jesus.

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2 thoughts on “Last Action Hero

  1. The knife guys in Batman: Arkham Asylum need to be fought in a very specific way, as well. What makes it different? What makes it good? Conspiring minds want to know.

  2. well, the knife guys are vulnerable to all of your moves except the counter, but the punch requires a previous stun. you are extremely mobile, and you can one-hit kill knife guys if they’re annoying you. you also have a dodge or evade button that can get you out of trouble, without even breaking your combo.

    in this game, the knife guys require multiple hits from your long-range kick attack, whereas the bat guys require multiple hits from your quick punch attack to interrupt their attacks. screw up on timing and you get hit by anyone in range, and if you’re caught between them you automatically die because you are trapped in hitstun. beyond that, while attacking one guy, the other guy who’s not vulnerable to your attack will hit you.

    there is no comparison, basically.

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