I know I’m not the only person with fond memories of the Where’s Waldo books. You could spend an hour just on one page of a book trying to find that striped bastard. This leaves me with high hopes that Waldo’s camouflage will be much better than that of, say, Snake in Metal Gear Solid 3. YOUR ALLIGATOR HAT FOOLS NO ONE! Who leaves one on an island in the marsh anyway? So let’s get started.
Oh good. The intro screen gives us several pictures to remind us what our beloved friend looks like. Surely this will come in handy on our first level. I’m going to be so rusty at this that it will probably take me some time to remember all of Waldo’s tricks.
Oh, this first level must be a tutorial. They put him in an obvious spot, so that we could spend most of our time practicing our magnifying glass aim. This also gives us extra time to figure out which of the SNES controller’s many buttons is the one that finds him. Clever thinking. Now that this tutorial level is complete, I am ready to move on to the good stuff. Next level please.
Oh, sorry, Waldo – I must have caught you still trying to find a hiding spot! I can see by your pose that you’re searching for a place to hide. I would’ve recommended perhaps hiding behind something. Maybe even something with colours similar to yours. But I can see you’re as rusty at this as I am! I’ll wait a little longer before starting up the next level, to give you plenty of time to hide.
Alright, what the fuck, Waldo? YOU ARE RUINING THIS FOR US! Was I secretly a waterhead as a child or is finding you a lot easier then I remember? I mean, you’re standing in the fucking open in the middle of the screen! Who was this game meant for? The colour blind? Should we have gotten Travis to review this game so we could unlock its true potential with his inferior eyes? Can only the handicapped enjoy this game? Well, he’s not around to offer his help now; I guess he’s waiting to cross the street at a green light.
Incidentally, Travis fills my quota for one handicapped friend. I also have one gay friend, one black friend and one female friend. They are my prejudice trump cards. But I must press on.
I have to give Waldo a little bit of credit here; he tried to hide using the fat man as cover. However, it generally helps to hide behind the fat man instead of in front of him. This is at least more creative than any of his past attempts.
And that is the entire game. Four levels of bullshit pushed into a cartridge and sold to you, the consumer, for the price of eight Where’s Waldo books.