Packy & Marlon

Elephants are fat; Ergo, the connection is made.

Like the alphabetically primary Captain Novolin, Packy & Marlon is a game that attempts to educate children in the ways of the diabetically-inclined. Only moreso. ‘Cause, while Captain Novolin is many things, it is most certainly not a game. Travis called it a “brilliant metaphor for the struggle with obesity and diabetes” (EveryGame, April 11, 2009), which was subsequently featured on the games box art, doubling the sales of the game overnight. Travis amended his statement in the following week, saying that the game is “a fantastic argument for assisted suicide” (Ibid, April 17, 2009). When compared to Captain Novolin, Packy & Marlon is the second coming, if the first coming was the saddest attempt at a coming since coming was invented. Actually, I guess it’s a whole new kind of coming. The kind of coming that involves anthropomorphic elephants who have to save a diabetically-inclined summer camp from the persecution of rats and other such rodents. For, you see, rats hate people with diabetes and so they steal their shit. Packy (Marlon conspicuously absent) goes on a mission to retrieve some of the diabetes supplies from the rats. Soon, like Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now, he begins mumbling something about how he needs some breakfast or his glucose levels will drop like some kind of hot thing. Like a hotpot! So, the entire game becomes about feeding Packy and killing rats. The educates you as to what you should be eating for breakfast and then lets you jump through a platformer world picking up all dat tasty shit (and, in reference to Packy’s island heritage, shamrocks). Only problem is, if you eat too much it can also be bad. The game actually punishes you for getting every item in the level. So, that’s educational. Also, it makes you take insulin before you do anything. Makes you check it, too.

Quicktime event!

Oh, and these camp animals (lions, bears, all with red ballcaps on) show up to quiz you. You should really avoid these guys. They don’t give you anything if you’re right, but if you’re wrong they smack you and take half your health.

Doesn’t seem fair, but neither is diabetes.

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