MLBPA Baseball

Pretty much sums up the sport, wouldn't you say?Here I was, all excited to do a review. And… BAM! Baseball game. Stuttering shit-poo!

I know. We’re going to play a bit of a game. I’m going to make some predictions about this game before I play it, and I’ll see how many of the predictions come true. Folks, you can follow along at home!

1. There will be a dragon in this game.

2. This game will contain, not one, not two, but three references to eighties era David Bowie.

3. One team will be dressed in grey, the other in blue.

4. The “PA” part of the title stands for Pineapple. Major League Base-Pineapple.

5. Singing the national anthem will be our very own Shinia Twain, daughter of Mark! She will show you why her last name is often glossed as “cut-in-two” as she startles the audience by cutting herself in two! Just like in the songs!

6. As I play this game, I will die inside a little.

Okay, Gang! I’m going to play it and report back!!

Well, as it turns out, the only one that came true in the five minutes I played this wet-wipe was number 6. I’ll be honest, not tuberculous (as if that’s an adjective!): I hate this crap. The whole time I was playing that game the crowd kept on chanting, “ohh ha hoo ha… uh hu!” I’ve been to baseball games, and there is some dumb shit that goes on (7th inning stretch = barf) but I’ve never experienced that chant. Also, the camera angle is so dumb… oh my god. I want to murder whoever thought that this game was playable. Whenever the ball is hit, at first you think you know where its going, but then the game farts up a Louise and drinks so much Kool-Aid that it busts out of a wall and goes “OH YEAH!” and it changes the camera angle so hard that you can pretty much just see the ball. You know how you tell where the ball is going? Well, you don’t! All you can do is look at the mini-map on the bottom of the screen and wiggle your penis until the game mercifully ends!

What a dog of a game! Actually, no. I like dogs. What a worthy addition to EA Sport’s lethargic catalogue.

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