The Lost Vikings II

Robo-vikings in the future?  And people said that Too Human was groundbreaking! Lies!
Robo-vikings in the future? And people said that Too Human was groundbreaking! Lies!

I’m going to be completely honest here. I’ve never really played the original Lost Vikings. There’s something about a game that makes you essentially go through each level three times (and more if you fuck up) that I think is pretty shitty. I guess, on one hand, you sort of can’t beat the legacy of this game. If you consider that Trine is basically the Lost Vikings with a physics engine, and that people seem to think Trine is pretty great, you realize that Blizzard was on to something with these two games. On the other hand, you also don’t really do the same thing with all three characters so it’s not fair of me to say you’re just doing the same thing three times in a row. And, I mean, here I am taking it somewhat seriously instead of being all “hay, it’s old SNES you guys lolololoololololol it’s so gays”, and that’s got to be worth something.

There's so much I don't understand about this... like... ok, I get that teleporting people is difficult and probably moreso than crop dusting, but I think the implication here is that crop dusting is really easy and that the hard part is mixing ingrediants but even that's easy, I guess?  What?
There's so much I don't understand about this... like... ok, I get that teleporting people is difficult and probably moreso than crop dusting, but I think the implication here is that crop dusting is really easy and that the hard part is mixing ingredients but even that's easy, I guess? What? And like, how the fuck would a bunch of vikings know what crop dusting is?

As much as I think Blizzard could use a new Intellectual Property (also, I’m amazed they haven’t brought these guys back for anything more grand than a cameo in a WoW instance), they do know how to make entertaining games. The dialog in LVII is pretty good. Although I guess there’s a playstation/dreamcast version that’s all 3D-ish and has a pile of voice acting and what I saw on youtube seemed super creepy. You can also tell that blizzard haven’t really grown up that much since 1994, either, because all the women you meet are sexy magicians and all the jokes are about the fat one being hungry or fart noises.

Our heroes are rescued by the GLAAD valkyrie or something... the fat one has plummer-ass.  Bravo, Blizzard.
Our heroes are rescued by the GLAAD tranny valkyrie or something... the fat one has plummer-ass. Bravo, Blizzard.

I guess what’s more important is that even having played only a small portion of this game, I can admit that I was wrong about Lost Vikings. It’s pretty fun to sort out these increasingly complicated problems where each character has their ups and downs. While I’ve largely grown out of the sort of humor in this game, I sort of have to remind myself that in 1994 not a lot of adults were playing games and they were still mostly considered elaborate toys. And this fact, coupled with Blizzard’s juvenile pre-epic-cutscene days, means I can cut them some slack for making a game where a green alien named “Tomator” (Tomatoes are red, man) has some nonsense vendetta against three vikings who apparently don’t really have any idea what they’re doing but they seem to be surprisingly relaxed about being teleported through time and also whenever they meet some sexy woman with stipulations for help they don’t just rape her and take her things because vikings.

Advertisements

One thought on “The Lost Vikings II

  1. All questions regarding crop dusting should be referred to Laurence Kasdan as it is a Star Wars reference and he wrote the script. But fair point.

    While we’re on topic I forced two chicks to play The Lost Vikings with me a couple of weeks ago no I did not rape them lols.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s