Mecarobot Golf

Japanese professional golfer Nobuo Serizawa

“Hey Nobuo!  What’s happenin’?”

“Mm-hmmm, mm-hmm–that’s great, listen, got some good news for ya, buddy.”

“Hmmm…nooo, not quite…”

“…Nooo, not that either…haha, you’re a sly dog, Nobuo, I’ll give you that!”

“Alright, I’ll lay it all out on the line for ya.  Here comes:”

“You don’t have to play in the PGA anymore.”

“Not this year, not any year.  I know, ain’t it great?”

Why? Why, ’cause you’re my special little guy, that’s why, and if my special little guy doesn’t wanna play in the PGA, he doesn’t have to play in the PGA.”

“What’s that?  You say you do want to play the PGA now?  I thought you said you hated the PGA.  Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten already!”

“What, you don’t remember saying that?  I even wrote it in my diary here…mmm…now, let me see…ah! Here it is!  ‘Dear Diary, I wish Nobuo would stop going on and on about just how much he hates the PGA Tour.  It’s getting really tiring!'”

“You never said that?  Nobyyy…Nobyyy! Now Noby, you wouldn’t call me a liar would you?”

“Well I’m tellin’ ya, it’s right here, in black and white: ‘I hate the PGA with the fire of a thousand suns.’ ~ Nobuo Serizawa.  Right there, on the page.  C’mon man, I’m your agent!  We’re supposed to have a little trust thing going on here.  Back and forth, back and forth, it’s a two-way street.”

“Mm-hmmm, mm-hmmm–I understand, see, here’s the thing: the thing is, my hands are tied, the deal’s been signed, the JGTO really wants this.  Plus, they’ll swing you a few hundred Gs…if it wins.”

“Whoo!  Noby boy!  I gotta hand it to ya; you sure know how to ask the tough questions, and I love that about you!  Inquisitive much? Haha, just kidding–look, allow me to be perfectly candid with you…the JGTO, they’ve been doing a lot of focus testing; trying to break into the Western market.  And – how do I put this – Western audiences are bored with *just* straight, normal golf.  They need something more.  I mean–and don’t take this the wrong way – they don’t even know who you are!  Let alone how to pronounce your name!”

“I know, I know, it’s not that hard – ‘Noo-buu-oo Se-rii-zaa-waa’ – but the kids don’t know that.  They just look at it and see ‘foreign’; their eyes glaze over.  No, focus testing found that Western audiences would be much more open to the idea of golf if it had robots in it.  And we thought, well that’s great, we’ve got all we need right here in our own backyard: advanced robotics, programmers, AI, and – get this – a great golfer to model it from.  That’s you, buddy.”

“I know!  Crazy, huh?  Robots! I’ll be honest with you, we watched a lot of videos of you out there on the links – great stuff on the Mitsubishi Diamond circuit, by the way – and even you’d struggle to tell the difference.


Sure, he doesn’t look as handsome as you, except c’mon, he’s a freakin’ robot! How cool is that?”

Replacing you with a robot?!  *Pfft* we’re not replacing you!  That’s ridiculous, replacing you with a robot! Now who’s talkin’ crazy talk?  It’s still you in there – sort of – all your stats, anyway.  Just think of him as your wingman, ‘Mecarobot – The International Face of Nobuo Serizawa.’  I mean, you can’t be everywhere at the same time; man’s gotta eat, sleep, drink, party – am I right?  Huh? Well now you can do all those things; focus on the games at home, let Mecarobot handle all that nuisance stuff overseas.”


“No…Nobyyy…C’mon now, how many times do I have to tell you, we’re not replacing you with a robot…geez, I thought you people loved robots!  Look, tell ya what, just stay right where you are, don’t move, alright?  I’m coming over right now with Mecarobot, we’ll have a little meet and greet, and I guarantee you’ll feel one hundred percent better about the whole thing.  Now, what do I keep telling you?”

You’re my special little guy, that’s right.  Love you too, man.  Sit tight!”

One thought on “Mecarobot Golf

  1. Wow…just, what? I can’t believe this was what they…I don’t know, thought would sell?

    Honestly, I mean…no.

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