Now some of you, dear reader, may wonder why we have taken on this massive project. On the face of it, it may seem like we are doing it for the dollars, or for fun. And while both of these things are true (how else will I write this whilst sipping on a Julep made of mint leaves fresh picked and a 9 year bourbon whisky in a goblet perfectly chilled), but the truth is this. We are constructing a ludological wonder.
Yea, as the ancients before us, we are gradually carving the Rosetta Stone of 16-bit entertainment. When the cities are but dust and anthropologists puzzle over our immortal script on magnetic disc, they well know us for the bored, nostalgic scum we are.
Have you read Man and Superman? Watched 2001: A Space Oddyssey? Availed yourself of Milton’s epic Paradise Lost?
Forget each and every one of those things. Instead of dedicating tedious hours of your life to these long and boring works, play Congo’s Caper.
This game will educate you in the mechanics of natural selection, tell the tale of man struggling against demons (both outside and within), discuss the possibility of artefacts that can cause a quantum leap in evolution and intellegence, and it will do all this within the paradigm of a platformer.
In other words, you will leap, platform, and learn your way to victory.
All while killing every motherfucker that moves.
So a couple of balls fall from the sky and turn two monkeys into humans, allowing them to ascend one step closer to godhead. The other monkeys are generally unfazed by this. So the humans are a guy and a girl, and the girl gets kidnapped by a DEMON. I KNOW!
If you get a red stone, you turn into a human, if you get hit, you become a monkey. If you collect 3 stones without taking a hit, you become the ubermensch, abandoning all moral concerns and becoming the perfect objective being. Any stones collected after that give you a 1up.
So after you kill some guys and jump and roll around a bit, the demon comes back, mounted on a dinosaur.
Which you kill, and then go inside, chasing said demon.
I think you know what this means; water level.
After that you fight the devil. Probably you win.