Beethoven’s 2nd

beethovenBeethoven’s 2nd is also Beethoven’s 1st on the SNES and I’m just glad that it was also Beethoven’s last. To give you some idea as to how bad this game is, I’ll just let you know that this game was developed by Hi-Tech Expressions. The same Hi-Tech Expressions that brought you Barbie’s Supermodel.

Moving onto the game now, you play as Beethoven the misbehaving St Bernard and you’ve got to find your puppies return them to your girlfriend who looks like you with lighter hair, before someone else finds them and turns them into a fur coat. If you’ve seen the movie then you know what to expect. Considering the movie was a cinematic masterpiece, you know that this can only be a good thing. Sorry to burst your bubble, Fanny Mae but it’s the ONLY good thing about this game.

The graphics are extremely cartoony and while, generally, I’m a fan of humongous sprites on my screen, it doesn’t work when the character takes up half the screen length-wise. So you (as Beethoven of course) walk and you walk and you walk, all the while you’re constantly being surprised by tornado kittens or skateboarding kids who’ve watched SLC Punk too many times to realize that blue hair was never cool. You’re being chased by dog catchers (with shotguns), jumping over fences and light posts all so you can save the little puppies your lady friend Misty will probably kill and eat later.

It’s a given. I’m not the best gamer or even a particularly good one. I cheat. A LOT. This is one of those games where I really felt like I needed my Game Genie to grant me three wishes (infinite time, energy, lives) because this game is fucking hard. Like I said earlier, the constant surprises of people jumping out at you and attacking you will take it’s toll on your energy and eventually your number of lives. Let’s not forget fucking impaling yourself on those fences or plummeting to your doom every 5 minutes.

I’m honest when I say that I don’t remember much from Beethoven, Beethoven’s 2nd or the later Beethoven Goes to Camp but I do remember not hating them with this much passion. Nostalgia’s overrated, I guess. Around “Every Game’, we do not have a star system or really any sort of rating system at all. We simply do not believe in that sort of thing here … buuuuuuuttt if you were curious and wanted to know what this game scored on the personal Crap-O-Meter, this game scored an “I would rather eat someone else’s vomit.”

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