Kyle Petty’s No Fear Racing

Not afraid to break it down on the podium, you guys.  Fuckin' pop and lock that shit!
Not afraid to break it down on the podium, you guys. Fuckin' pop and lock that shit!

Kyle Petty ain’t afraid of shit.  I’m not even kidding.  He was in a movie with Burt Reynolds called Stroker Ace and not only was he not afraid of being upstaged by Reynold’s thunderous talent but also he was in a movie called Stroker Ace and wasn’t concerned about people questioning his sexuality.

Stroker Ace.

The main thing Kyle Petty isn’t afraid of though?  Driving fast.  He definitely has no fear in that department.  Well, that and copyright infringement laws from ensuring that everything he owns has a decal of Calvin urinating on something, be it that coward Jimmy Carter or a rival racing team’s proud logo.  He isn’t even afraid of turning right!  I thought for sure he would be since this is basically a NASCAR game but no!  You can even make your own tracks if you want (SNES 2.0, you guys) and Kyle Petty will drive the shit out of them so hard.

He’s so confident that he’s placed obstacles on a racetrack.  He isn’t afraid to hit them even though you probably are.  “It’s just some wood and nails, you pussy!”, he’d say, “Man up!”  He isn’t afraid that putting Nitrous Oxide tanks on the track is dangerous either.  Nope.  If anything, it just gives the people what they want more than anything.  Rocket Cars with flames that shoot out the exhaust.  Who doesn’t want that?  Babies, that’s who.

He's not even afraid to race through the Alamo, man.  Dude is ice cold.
He's not even afraid to race through the Alamo, man. Dude is ice cold.

Kyle Petty isn’t even afraid of the car doing multiple spins or airborne revolutions because he knows he’ll land on all four tires every time.  Kyle Petty laughs in the face of death.  Kyle Petty eats pieces of shit like “high speed collisions” for breakfast.  There are no consequences in the world of Kyle Petty No Fear Racing.  Unless you forget to stop for gas on lap 3, but then it doesn’t matter because the idiot behind you will ram you over the finish line.

Stroker Ace.

Let's see that pretty boy Burt Reynolds pull this shit off.
Let's see that pretty boy Burt Reynolds pull this shit off.
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