Phantom 2040

So this game is apparently based upon that Phantom that was portrayed in the 1996 film starring Billy Zane. However, this game came out in 1995. So, the Billy Zane thing is kind of irrelevant. Regardless, I will treat this as BILLY ZANE: THE MUSICAL: THE GAME.

I can’t believe they made a musical about Billy Zane! What a crazy idea! You know, the guy who is bad in the Titanic movie? And then to make a game about the musical? That’s some real meta-ass shit, right there. Kudos to the game developers who thought it was a good idea! Whatever kudos means anyway! I don’t really know! My English is limited to that which I read on that “special” English version of Wikipedia!

That’s where the inventiveness ends, though! The rest of the game is like Contra, with Billy Zane in a purple suit fighting T-100s from Terminator, and dying a bunch! This game is junk! Nobody even sings any songs about Billy Zane! Where is my favourite song from the musical?

Zane!
You’re gonna live forever!
You already know how to fly!
Zane!
You bring the whole world together!
You shoot all the chumps and they cry!
Zane!
Creating drama like God made heaven,
Just kidding you made heaven too!
Zane!
You’re gonna live forever!
You already know how to fly!

Overall I give this game TWO THUMBS TOO LAZY TO EXTEND IN ANY DIRECTION!

This article was transcribed by Rudolph X. Weingarten at the Call Me To Write academy in Poughskeepie, NY. Original words by Will, who… you guessed it. PHONED IT IN!

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