F-Zero

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[taken from the Totes Awes® Superspeed Carthing™ manual]

1.6.9 YOUR HEAD-UP DISPLAY

Yo, dawg! Here’s where you learn all about usin’ that awesome HUD you see when you’re driving yer new CARTHING™.

NOWRTHWEST CORNER:
1. Score. Your score’s the most improtant thing, dawg! That’s why it’s up in the most irrelevant corner. How do you get points? Duh! By driving, stupid! Holla!
2. Rank. You wanna know if you’re #1?! Find out here! If you aren’t, you’re a loser! Haha! Sucker!
3. Safe. Who knows what the hell this is? Screw it, man, you’re in a Totes Awes®! Safety’s for dorks! YEAH!

NORTHEAST CORNER:
1. Power. You need power to survive! Hit one of the Totes Awes® Lazzerwalz™ and it’ll dip faster than a Chicken McNugget into Sweet and sour OR Barbeque sauce! WHAT THEN!
2. Speed. Just cuz it’s America don’t mean we can’t use km/h! They go higher and you feel liek you’re CRAZY FAST! TOTES AWES®!
3. Time. Not in a race? Doesn’t matter! Check how long your commute was, and beat your old record– even if it means crashing into the guy in front of you! What a loser! Haha!

SOUTHWEST CORNER:
1. Map. There are only maps for races so good luck getting TO the race! It’d be SO EMBARRASSING if you didn’t make it cuz you got lost or were in gridlock! Extra-squarey– for HER pleasure! YEAH!

SOUTHEAST CORNER:
1. Lives. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE, DUMMY! JUST KIDDING! You can live twice more when it says “2”! We forget what the SSS means though, but who cares! DRIVE FAST®!

So, remember…

Drive Fast®. Totes Awes®. Superspeed Carthing™ will get you at there.

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