Donkey Kong Country 3

The rope in this screenshot seems absurdly thick to me.  It looks like a braided whale penis.
The rope in this screenshot seems absurdly thick to me. It looks like a braided whale penis.

DKC 3 is an exception to my earlier theory that Franz Kafka is the forefather of the SNES platformer. Not unrelatedly, it is a pretty good game.

My only real objection is to the whole mess of random shit you have to do besides the platforming.  There are general stores and monkey companions and islands on an overworld map with subsections and swimming or boats on that overworld map and hidden passages and…I’m gonna be honest, it took me like eight minutes to find the first actual level in which I could play the game.  I spent those minutes wandering around the assortment of vendors and advice-givers and, apparently, a secret cave wherein a game of Simon won me a magical fairy.  I then became overstimulated and had to lie down on my bed with the lights off for approximately twelve minutes.

Actually, playing DKC3 kind of feels like playing a weird Zelda game, but without the complete lack of innovation and facile gameplay.

Everyone reading this has probably played this game or its predecessors, so I’m not going to go on much further.  There are barrels, which you may throw or which may throw you.  At one point I jumped on a crocodile man.  The real shame is that a decent game like this has become boring to play for me, after the deluge of platformers I have endured in writing for this site.  And DKC3 is a very decent game that stands up in terms of gameplay, despite the fact that starting a new game on this crowded monkey/crocodile/elephant island is like having Rare kick down your door and blast you in the face with a shotgun full of what the fuck.

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3 thoughts on “Donkey Kong Country 3

  1. Not strictly accurate, commenter “Noob”! You see, although many game properties were afforded the privilege of keeping slaves (in accordance with the Digital Landowners Act of 2004), DKC3 was exempt since female monkeys are not legally entitled to own property.

  2. I’m still laughing. I’ve got to find a way to use “blast you in the face with a shotgun full of what the fuck” in a conversation!

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