Super Turrican 2

Are you a Super Turrican or are you a Super Turrican't?

Everyone likes the underdog. When one man is faced with insurmountable hordes intent on ending his life, how can you not hope for him to win? Who doesn’t find the image of the loner taking on the world regardless of consequences an engaging one? Sure, in this case the loner is in possession of an incredibly powerful mechanized fighting suit, but you still kind of have to root for him when so much of humanity is destroyed by the The Machine, the evil half man half robot all emperor jerkface who wipes out planets like they’re liberal babies.

Your Turrican-wearing soldier is certainly the underdog in facing all these deadly foes, but it’s not like he has much choice in the matter: his ship has crash landed on some desert planet and everything is trying to kill him. He is alone in this cruel world, aside from the friendly voice that kindly informs him of which power-ups he’s just stumbled upon. If I had the option of having this voice in my daily life, I think I’d try it only once or twice before being saddened by the completely mundane objects in my every day life. “Remote control.” “Other remote control.” “Kleenex.” “Video of ‘Sweatin’ to the Oldies’.”

As far as game play goes, Super Turrican 2 is kind of like Contra; you have to learn the fine art of jumping and shooting at the same time, which I feel the need to remind you is an incredibly dumb thing to do in real life. Sorry again, people of the Eastern Ontario Handgun Club & Shooting Range!

Your Turrican suit has access to a fine array of weaponry that you have to pluck out of the air using  your reaching claw or sometimes with the handy expedient of a well-timed jump. It’s an old video game trope where you can find the things that enable you to kill your enemies just lying around on the enemy planet, but I’ve always found it an amusing one. “Hey boss, I found a crate of these anti-gravity missle-dispenser spheres that only work in that Turrican suit the Earthlings use. Should I destroy them?” “NO! You must distribute them around our base to ensure our enemies know that we are so unafraid of them that we will provide them with the very means they need to annihilate us!” “Are…are you sure?” “Yes! Now start pacing back and forth endlessly over by that pit.”

I feel as though I’ve barely touched on the actual game here and that’s too bad, because Super Turrican 2 is actually pretty fun. If only there was a way I could go back in time and edit this review! Sadly, my word engine is a linear one, and I have to write these things in one attempt without stopping. If I had to leave you with one recommendation, it’s that you should “run out and buy” Super Turrican 2 for the SNES.

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