Doomsday Warrior

There are few things in life more misleading than the title of a Super Nintendo game. I’d go back in time and warn My Childhood Self not to apply his imagination to videogame titles prior to playing them, but 1) that’d be gross hypocrisy on My Adult Self’s part, and b) I don’t have a fully-functional time machine at my disposal. And so it is with great disappointment that I come to you today to inform you that no, Doomsday Warrior for the Super Nintendo is not a game about a crack Cold War Soviet operative trying to prevent worldwide nuclear holocaust, nor does it concern the exploits of a Christian evangelist in the End Times, rallying the Lord’s Army against The Barcode-Billing Beast before the Second Coming.

Knight's In Satan's Service
Gene "Dizzen Lizard" Simmons VS Paul "Heavy Metal King" Stanley

No, apparently the Apocalypse comes when the members of KISS decide to have it out behind the pub. I don’t know about you, but if I knew the world was about to end, I wouldn’t try to stop it, or join hands across America singing “Kumbaya” – I’d have a brawl with my f***in’ bass player. Good to see someone has their priorities straight, then.

We can live beside the ocean/ Leave the fire behind/ Swim out past the breakers/ And watch the world die

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