Tetris/Dr. Mario

I sort of miss these old boxes.

How the fuck is a guy supposed to review Tetris and Dr. Mario? I mean, Tetris? Really? It’s fucking Tetris. Besides solitaire, what game is more broadly available and recognized than Tetris? Would you review solitaire (or ask that question to Tom Petty)? COULD YOU (if maybe you knew Tom Petty)? I suppose people have jobs wherein there are supposed to review a Tetris game specifically. Like, one iteration of Tetris. You could objectively say that one Tetris experience is better than another Tetris experience. Or, you might be so bold to suggest that a game that is nothing like Tetris is actually the best game bearing the name Tetris. (See: Tetris Attack)

But fuck, no matter how you gussy it up, it’s fucking Tetris! And this Tetris is the most fundamental of Tetrises (Tetri?).

Conclusion: Shut up, Tetris!

Ok, but Dr. Mario, yes. What I sort of love about Dr. Mario is that it never really changed. Tetris came with so many sorts of different modifications like bombs and different shapes and all sorts of things. Powerups! Whatever! But Dr. Mario really stuck with the formula, which is to say, solid puzzling. Also, Dr. Mario has way better music than Tetris, even if people could recognize Tetris music on the wind from miles away.

Uhh… but that’s it? I suppose the real shame is that maybe a lot of people will not have played Dr. Mario because a) it’s strictly a Nintendo product, and b) it’s not really all that prominent on consoles or cell phones or giant wrist watches or whatever the fuck we play games on these days. And that’s a goddamn shame.

Dr. Mario is clearly amazing.

Brief aside: I once claimed to have beaten Dr. Mario, which I can admit now is more or less impossible. But I felt at the time that making it past level 100 was as close as beating a game like Dr. Mario as any human can achieve and I stand by the “accomplishment”.

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