Clay Fighter: Tournament Edition

I love 2-D fighters and always have. I have spent most of my time being sad that there is very little in the way of 2-D fighters left in North America. It seems like you have to travel to Asia to find the arcades still full of gamers playing the newest and latest 2-D fighters. North America developed this plague of terrible spammy 3-D fighters like Dead or Alive and SoulCalibur (Yes, spelling it all one word makes your game hardcore). Having played Clay Fighter: Tournament Edition I now understand why development just ceased.

Barry Bonds faces off againts Igy Pop with AIDS
Barry Bonds faces off againts Igy Pop with AIDS

Before I even get into the gameplay let us have a look at the title. Tournament Edition. This seems very optimist to think that people will be lining up to see who will lead their pile of Clay to victory. Now the reason this seems very optimist is because the game play is rather lacking. Rounds consist of battles that have come straight out of Team America. I did not have the luxury of playing against a real opponent so I was pitted against the over powered AI. How this AI had been limited to just an SNES game is mind boggling. Not only do I think this AI could pass the Turing Test I think it has secretly found its way into Hawlkings wheelchair and is behind all of his great ideas. The battles seem almost unfair unless of course you attack. The simple act of attacking causes the AI to lock up and drop everything it is doing and block. If you attack repeatedly with a super you can chip away at its life while he unleashes his fury of blocking everything with no attempt at escape.

For a sequel you would think they could have made the game at least moderate playable. As it stands this game unplayable and anyone who has found memorize of this game should probably ask their mothers how much they had to drink in the first 9 months of your life.

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