Ardy Lightfoot

Wait this isn't a film it's a video... oh I get it!
Wait this isn't a film it's a video... oh I get it!

There are titles that you can put together that can mean nothing but “this is a platformer”. If your name is Lightfoot, it’s almost certainly because you are known for having light feet. It is the onomastic equivalent to calling a character hoppy joe or falls-from-no-stone (that guy was great in the book of 5 rings).

Ardy Lightfoot is definitely a platformer. But…well, it’s not bad. I have never played it before I woke up this morning and wondered to myself “What do I have to do today?” The list was: eat, achieve lasting happiness, remember the rules of derivatives, oh and review a game you have never played 4 hours before your deadline. Yes. I’m a bad person.

But I’ve just played through to the first boss fight, and aside from being pretty difficult (harder than, say Mario World), it’s actually kind of good. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen The Game: The Movie employed as a narrative style and this game has in engine cutscenes during play. Like, you’re in a mine cart doing the inevitable mine cart chase and then it flashes forward to a rock in the path, then flashes back to the baddy in the cart in front of you, then the whole thing plays out and he crashes, dislodging the obstruction. THEN YOU DO THIS SWEET GENERAL LEE JUMP OVER A CANYON followed by a boss fight. If I were 12 again and Mario 2 could still get my heart racing when I was like “What is this thing oh god it’s shooting eggs at me what do I do oh no I’m riding an egg off the screen jump you magnificent animal, JUMP”, then Ardy Lightfoot would fit the bill. No excessive collecting (100 stars for a 1up, you know the drill), and two hits to die (one you lose your little blue friend, two you bite it and go back to the little stone scribes that serve as save points).

The only technical issue is a little bit of weird collision stuff where the game is like “Oh hey did you jump on that guy’s head or INTO HIS TOOTHY REPTILIAN MAW?!” and I hang my head and start again. If it weren’t for the fact that I have a whole lot of homework to do and spend the rest of my time hooked up to the slow morphine drip of Final Fantasy Tactics Advanced 2, I would actually play through this whole thing.

I might anyway.

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