Time Trax

It's Trax for Time Trax! I mean Time! Time for Trax Trax! I mean...oh whatever
A SNES game based on an obscure Australian/American sci-fi show that ran for all of one year? Yes please! If you were alive and watching Australian television between 1993 and 1994, you might have been lucky enough to catch the adventures of Darien Lambert as he did his level best to capture time traveling criminals.

Aided by a holographic companion (sound familiar?) and his keyless car alarm remote gun (yes, for serious), Darien would traipse around looking for fugitives to send back to the future. Anything is possible when you have SELMA (Specified Encapsulated Limitless Memory Archive—I feel dumber for having typed that out) on your side!

What a rare treat for the fans of the show who also managed to find a copy of the SNES game*! Except not really, because this game is kind of bad. “Kind of bad” is still probably better than most of the games we review here, but it’s still bad. The graphics are nothing to write a review about, but they’re capable at least—where this game fails is in its fiddly controls and relentlessly respawning enemies. Ask anyone being tirelessly hunted by Jason Vorhees: it’s really frustrating to kill someone or something only to have it reappear moments later, even more annoyed than it was in the first place at your attempts to kill it. Lousy revenants.

Time Trax is the hardest kind of game to review: it’s not so bad or ridiculous that it’s really easy to mock, nor is it so good you can gush praise from whichever orifice you normally use to gush praise. Instead, it manages to dance a line of mediocrity so unassailable it’s difficult to do much other than recognize the game exists and explain its genesis.

If I ever find myself capable of time travel I might return to the past to convince its creators to forget the entire thing, but there’s zero chance I’d ever remember to do that and I’d be too busy harassing Jane Mansfield anyway. No, this game isn’t likely to leave much of an impression on anyone, for good or for ill, just like the review you’ve finished reading.

* Approximately six people, give or take six people.

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