Acrostic poetry will forever be the poetic method of our generation. How many acrostics of my name have I written over my many years of Grade 2 classes? I nary can count that high (which is why they kept be back so many times, I reckon).

ALIENS. Obviously you are shooting aliens. It’s a shmup.
XCIX. 99 is the most lives you can have at once. There is a very good chance even these will not be enough.
EXCRUCIATING DIFFICULTY. You fuck with Axelay, you get fucked.
LAVA MONSTER. This dude will blow your mind. SO AWESOME.
AERONAUTICS. The nineties loved sci-fi. With spaceships.
YAW. Years of aeronautic science in the future will STILL not be enough to allow pilots to adjust yaw; that is, you can only go in one direction. Up. Also, shoot in one direction. Up.

This is one of the most revered shmups of all time, and, you know what? I am gonna kill some giant here. This game? Kinda lame. The fake 3d-horizon probably looked awesome at the time, but now it makes what might have been a classic game seem dated. It’s impossibly memorization-heavy, but in a world with Ikaruga, why would you play an inferior memorization-shmup? It seems pointless.

Sorry, shmup fans. I don’t like Axelay. Don’t lose any sleep over it, though; after all, I did kinda like Adventure of Kid Kleetz. It’s not like I have taste.

One thought on “Axelay

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