I know people love Tecmo Super Bowl. I know people love it so much. Bo Jackson was a force in it, apparently. Did you know that Bo Jackson’s pro career was basically ended by a degenerative hip disorder that threatened to prevent him from ever walking again? Bo knows the universe has a sense of humor. It’s not laughing with him.
But look, here’s the thing. Even if you haven’t played Tecmo Super Bowl (or had no idea that there was a sequel, like this guy), that doesn’t mean that you don’t know exactly what it is. It’s a football game. I’m not even going to boot it up…
No… look… I don’t care how much you.. fuck! NO! It’s not happening. I don’t care. It’s fucking football. I love football and all, I really do, but I think we’ve had enough. If I could convince Chuck Klosterman to write a review of Tecmo Super Bowl II, it would be great. He would have lots of interesting things to say. I am not Chuck Klosterman. Regrettably. I could have maybe gone for a long thing about Brett Favre’s penis getting sent to cheerleaders too. There was low-hanging fruit here. I simply refuse.
I have sampled the fruit of SNES football and I am stuffed. There is no more room for football in my retro-game stomach. When I cared about writing fresh reviews of old games, I wrote this.
I was not always this way.