Phalanx

What about this cover does not make you want to play this game?

Once in a very long while I read something that’s so crazy epiphanic that it pushes just about everything else out of my head. This week it was that Esquire profile on Roger Ebert. I seriously had no idea that the guy had cancer, or that he had no lower jaw as a result for, like, three years. I’ve been reading the guy for the past couple of years because short form writing is some of the best stuff to read. A.A. Gill is a hilarious writer, a food critic who only rarely and tangentially writes about food. Ebert is a movie critic who has a lot to say about movies and a select few other topics.

There had been two things that puzzled me about him: that he was, despite being a 60-something print writer, one of the most prolific twitter users I’ve ever seen (over 3,000 tweets since he joined, a feed that bombards you every morning with talk about movies, authors, culture, and whatever else is interesting or not. In addition, he has written often and at length about rice cookers and noodles.

None of this made any sense to me. Why is the first man to win a pulitzer for criticism writing the best he has ever written, and why is some of the best stuff he’s ever written about stuff that has nothing to do with criticism? Why does he write all the time?

And it all hit me in a flood after this profile. The man does nothing but write. It’s his only avenue to the outside world. He’s taken what seems to be the absolute worst curse for a great communicator and it has only made him stronger. And happy. And the rice and noodles? Soft food, no need for chewing maybe. It’s incredible. It’s like solving a crime and discovering that what seemed like a mad sort of eclectic genius is just a pure practical adaptation to his circumstances.

Roger Ebert got back on the horse and proceeded to jump it over the moon.

By comparison, the first boss of Phalanx is a giant flailing robot squid thing that pretty much becomes a total wuss the second you blow off its lower jaw.

Fierce and flaily
This guy just rolls right over, he's not getting RTed on follow friday, I'll tell you that.
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2 thoughts on “Phalanx

  1. Sometimes he plays “tweeto!” which is when he retweets something from the last three people who decided to follow him.

    Ebert, man.

  2. Additionally, I was once arguing with a friend in my Calculus class in first year about something involving movies. I think it might have had something to do with whether or not Russell Crowe deserved the Oscar for best actor in Gladiator.

    Anyway, we were communicating on a piece of paper to be quiet, and my friend wrote “meh, I bet Ebert liked it”, except in his scrall it looked like “mich, I bet clert liked it” and I laughed for probably a good 15 minutes… that silent laugh where you know any minute you could be exposed as a jibbering idiot to the rest of your class but you have to keep it to yourself so you’re silently just losing it and hoping you don’t burst.

    I performed horribly in that class.

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