This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. I’m sure the Majesco CEO, Jesse Sutton, is a total class act. Seriously. Thanks for publishing Psychonauts, dude. You respect the medium.


Okay, okay okay okay okay. Listen to me LISTEN TO ME, FUCK. We’re FUCKING RUNNING OUT OF THE WHITE NOSE-BEEF AND WE NEED TO FUCKING MAKE A NEW GAME. Man this is the fucking 90s! We make fucking VIDEO GAMES! How are we not ROLLING IN SLUTS AND CHANDON RIGHT NOW? Let’s get PAID, you fucks!

All right all right all right we got a LICENSE, you FUCKS. FROGGER. You remember that shit? Fuuuuuck yes. That shit is gold. If I could grind up that fucking frog and put it IN MY NOSE I swear to FUCK I would WALK AROUND WITH THE HUGEST BONER for the rest of my GODDAMN LIFE. This guy is for REAL, this fucking Frogger.

Alright, I don’t wanna spend a long time on this, okay?! Just get the goddamn thing working on a Super Nintendo RIGHT NOW YOU HEAR ME NORBERT YOU BESPECTACLED FUCK? YOU HAVE 5 GODDAMN HOURS! Just make it FUCKING WORK. Title screens for the port? WHAT THE FUCK? Fuck you, I will draw that shit on a napkin RIGHT FUCKING NOW.


THERE. DONE. Norbert is that shit WORKING yet? Jesus. Jesus. Norbert you’re killing me. ANY FUCKNIG LONGER AND WE’LL RUN OUT OF BLOW. If we run out of blow I am going to ROB YOUR FUCKING HOUSE AND YOUR MOM’S HOUSE. And I am going to blame YOU and you’ll go to JAIL. You want that? The cops’ll believe me. I AM THE BSET GODDAMN LIAR EVER. I will lie to them and then SELL THEM YOUR TV. And they’ll STILL BELIEVE ME. Wait what? You’re done? FUCK YEAH. Wait what? ART ASSETS? Really? Whatever send it off to someone else. I’m telling marketing that we fucking reinvented this road-crossing shit. THEY WILL NEVER MAKE ANOTHER CROSSWALK. JUST THIS GAME ON EVERY STREET CORNER. Norbert, I could FUCK you right now you’re so goddamn beautiful hey is that my blood? Get marketing on the phone someone. THIS IS GONNA BE THE FUTURE. I am going to punch people in the goddamn FACE up there if they don’t make us like BILL FUCKING GATES with this game. I mean that dude is LOADED. What’s he got that we don’t? WINDOWS? FUCK WINDOWS WE GOT FROGS, SON.

Jesus I need to come down. I’m gonna make some goddamn green tea. Anyone want some?

Shortly after this game was created, the head of Majesco was found dead of an overdose at McTitties, an Irish pub/strip club.
Shortly after this game was created, the head of Majesco was found dead of an overdose at McTitties, an Irish pub/strip club.

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