Tuff E Nuff

I was not "tuff" "enuff"
So let’s get this straight: in the near(ish) future, a “war to end all wars*” has turned the Earth into a desolate wasteland where only the strongest will survive.

Yeah, okay. I’m with you so far. I can accept this as a premise, since despite it being tired as all hell, post-apoc stuff is my genre sweetheart. Here’s where it starts to get wonky: the strongest fighter somehow “comes into power” (I guess by punching people until they admit he’s their leader?) and builds a tower in the city to show off his strength. I guess if he built the tower by himself that would be fairly impressive…

Anyway, this man named “JADE,” declares himself “fighting king” and proceeds to rule the land. I guess poorly, because people always want to fight him. Supposedly if you beat him he stops ruling the land in such a poor fashion—I guess he either abdicates or learns a valuable lesson about how leadership involves more than just being good at fighting.

Four champions are sent out to dethrone the fighting king by punching each other in a tournament until they presumably get to punch him off his throne.

The game itself (stunningly complex plot aside) is a fairly shitty fighting game. The character designs are uninspired and boring, the levels are ugly, and the sound is…ok. It seems a bit harder than most generic fighters since I couldn’t even get past the first fighter in the tournament. She beat me senseless…though I hardly think it’s fair she gets to throw daggers at me while I slowly windmill kicks from across the map. Maybe this game gets better if you’re somewhat competent at it—I will never, ever know.

All said and done, I’d rather play 800 games of Street Fighter II in a row than play this game again, and I don’t even really like SFII all that much. “Buyer” beware!

* I assume this war is started because of the never-ending conflict as to which is better: Mac or PC. Little do the participants of this war realize…they are all very stupid.
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