Cybernator

Can you see me? No? It must be due to all of the AWESOME EXPLOSIONS. ROBOTTTTSSSSS!!!!!!!!
Can you see me? No? It must be due to all of the AWESOME EXPLOSIONS. ROBOTTTTSSSSS!!!!!!!!

Giant Japanese robot obsession was something I was always bummed I missed out on. I wasn’t anywhere near anywhere that might have facilitated this through tape rental or purchase or model purchase. Even if I had those big kits, I didn’t have the patience or focus or dexterity to build them. They looked cool, when I took the time to load them on my 14.4k modem (which wasn’t often– back then, you were limited by time, not bandwidth, and my ten hours a month were better spent looking up things I KNEW, like SNES games… go figure). That reminds me– once I downloaded an MP2 (not a typo) audio file from some site that had a robot anime song or something. I remember MP2. Is that weird?

In between writing awful fanfics and looking at pictures of video games I never thought I’d get a chance to play, there was no space for robots. Now, I’m too old. I can’t look at any of this Japanese animated stuff without rolling my eyes at least a little bit. Dragon Ball Z ground the joy of such a form out of me. In retrospect, though, there was some artistic genius to DBZ: never had they figured out a way to make kids pay attention to so little for so long. Seriously… I seem to remember an entire episode that was just comprised of two overmuscled men grunting at each other, while fire engulfed them and their entirely arbitrary “power level” rose (what defined power level, anyway? Was it like horsepower?).

I suppose there’s an entire Trekkie-caliber geek culture around these robots where someone’s figured out the amount of pressure per square inch on every joint and the force behind a MAGIC SWORD swing from X5028 ROBOT or whatever the hell. I wish I could’ve been a part of that. I was too young for the Enterprise boners, and too Canadian for the robot boners. All I really had to geek out over was dinosaurs. They are pretty universal, I guess. Dinosaurs are awesome. I liked the ankylosaurus best. Am I supposed to capitalize that? Ankylosaurus?

This game is enjoyable and has explosions and cool songs. Just don’t expect me to “get” it. That’s the best I’m going to do.

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2 thoughts on “Cybernator

  1. As someone who “gets” robots, and who spent a few minutes today thinking about how the Fermi Paradox is solved somewhat simply by Gundam’s Minovsky Particles reaching a density high enough that radio waves would be useless for communication for any advanced species, I have to say that you can never be “too old” to “get” robots. I don’t know how the process works, but whatever you like and however old you are, there is a series produced in the 80s that is EXACTLY what you are looking for in a really big robot. I don’t understand how things can just kind of, I dunno, come into being on there own, and thus there is an infinite amount of giant robot series that were produced in Japan in the 80s, but it’s true and I’m not going to fuck with a sweet deal like that.

    Do you want a giant robot version of, I dunno, Lord of the Flies? Totally exists. How about A Little Princess, but IN SPACE this time? It’s out there. Ever wonder what the first Gulf War would have been like if giant robots and giant monsters were everywhere? You can find out, man. You just have to be depraved enough to watch it.

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