Brunswick Tournament of Champions

Absolutely thrilling.
Absolutely thrilling.

I’m not gonna lie; I didn’t even play the tournament mode.  I just bowled a quick game.

My girlfriend tried to be player 2 but gave up upon discovering that it was really unintuitive.

Basically, you control the following:

1) Your player’s position.

2) Your aim, which is a vector between your position and the little blue thing in front of you that you can move around.

3) Your power, which is a classic rising and falling timing-based minigame.

4) Your spin, which is mysteriously the exact same minigame as the above – there is no option to spin left or right, just a magnitude of spin.

I figured out how bowl a strike with a left-handed character, but that’s about it.

You also get to choose how your player looks, as an identical clone of all other players, by customizing his shirt, pants, and shoes.

The real meat of customization is selecting from one of the many bizarrely detailed specialty balls that you may employ.  This shit is weird.  I had no idea this even existed.

Quantum Violet Hook

A combination of extreme hook potential, early roll and strong back-end reaction allow the Violet Hook to change direction when other balls continue to skid. Best on heavy oil.

Rhino Pro T2

The Rhino Pro T2’s center heavy action delivers power, yet with a sudden strong back-end reaction and medium length. The result is a consistant [SIC] performance on medium and oily lanes.

Now, look at those again and pretend you’re reading descriptions on condom boxes.

Eh? Eh? Heh.

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