Barbie Supermodel

barbieAs a child I used to steal my sister’s Barbies and vigorously rub my finger between their boobs, re-enacting what I affectionately called a “Spanish Blowjob”. I was disappointed there was no Spanish Blowjob feature in this game.

This game is basically running around trying to get ready to see as many dicks as humanly possible. This is like Leisure Suit Larry for 8 year olds. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for showing girls a room full of cocks but I think it should be behind the candy store /bus depot against their will instead of in a video game. I’m pretty old fashioned (and acquitted of all charges!).

In all seriousness though, this game is fucking bullshit. You basically get ready for a night out with some date rapist and have to practice dance moves for photo shoots that some how tie into each and every level.

Nothing in this game makes sense. It teaches girls that in order to get laid (and as a result amass self-worth) you need to ski or roller-skate and then pose for magazine covers and bullshit. The simple truth is that all of those things are fucking worthless if you can’t cook.

Ladies, if you ever want to land a man you need to learn how to make some soufflĂ©. No man is going to poke around your backdoor (anus) if you can’t satisfy him in the kitchen (place where you make food). No man will want your taco if you can’t make him fajitas. I think you get what I’m saying here. This game is bullshit and not true to life. Here are my suggestions for making this game better:

1. Set it on fire.
2. Befriend a Wizard and get him to turn this game into a sandwich and then eat the fucking sandwich.
3. Spanish Blowjobs.

Any of those three options would drastically improve my overall satisfaction as well as potentially decrease my need for a sandwich. This game gets thumbs down all around (except vigorously between the boobs).

– Scotty

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